If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
