I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize