I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize