I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
