She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
