Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
