her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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