if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
