It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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