Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
