no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
