"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i came on her dog
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
