Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
