I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
