it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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