Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nutella sex= disaster
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
