Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize