Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
