I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
