my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
