Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
