dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
vagina is talking i cant
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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