At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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