This is not my ceiling
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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