Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize