well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
