ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
