So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
