Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
