Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize