Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
