Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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