I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
