He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
