dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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