Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize