True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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