Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
