no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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