I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
