I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
