Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
