Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
