So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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