He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
