Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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