Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
