I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
