Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i barfeds in our rink
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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