he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
