I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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