All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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