never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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