This girl is more easily done than said...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
