Betty ford says i'm here all night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
