Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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