I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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