Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
