Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
