True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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