lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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