proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
