yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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