after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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