just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
